I been doing a lot of thinking lately on the topic of love vs infatuation. I have noticed that some people confuse love with infatuation. Some people become infatuated with somebody and think they are “in love” with them. This is never good….because infatuation never lasts. Let me clear up what I mean by “infatuation”.

Infatuation is the butterflies you get when you are around your crush. It is the excitement of being around that certain someone. Sometimes it even gets to the point of obsession. You become obsessed with this person.It revolves around FEELINGS. The feelings of newness and excitement of being around a new lover. Now infatuation is not in itself bad. It is a normal thing that everyone experiences…but it does become bad when someone confuses infatuation with love and thus enters a relationship feeling like they are “in love” when really all they are feeling is infatuation.

Some people enter relationships because they are infatuated with that particular person. But as soon as the infatuation fades with time and the excitement wears off, they leave their lover because they think they have fallen out of love simply because the feelings of “infatuation” have vanished.

But true love on the other hand? True love is not rooted in feelings. Yes, good feelings do accompany true love…but if someone really loves someone they will not leave them when the going gets tough. They will not run away when conflict arises. People who confuse love with infatuation are like leaves blowing in the wind…completely at mercy to the wind and the natural forces that move it along. They know no sense of commitment and only go by what they are feeling at the moment. These kind of people are dangerous to get into relationships with, because as soon as the infatuation in the relationship wears off they will be in search of the excitement of a new relationship and leave the person they are with at the moment. 

Usually these people are known to hop from one person to the next quite easily…leaving a trail of blood and broken hearts behind them. To them love is purely feelings. When they don’t have the “good” feelings of a relationship anymore suddenly they think they don’t love their partner anymore and leave. That is not how a relationship lasts. Relationships have their ups and downs. No relationship is filled with harmony and good feelings constantly. That’s where TRUE love shows up. When the going gets tough and conflict arises….the person who knows true love is able to look beyond the momentary circumstances of a petty argument and see hope for the future. True love does not give up. It presses forward even when things get tough. It is devotion. That is how you know if someone truly loves you. If someone leaves you because the “good feelings” have vanished…truth is they probably never had real love for you and were just infatuated with you. 

Remember, true love presses forward through hard times. True love doesn’t run away at a petty argument. True love lasts. Infatuation on the other hand….always vanishes with time.

Okay, okay! You caught me! That’s right…I’m an internet troll. No not that kind. I don’t live under a bridge. I do however spend a good amount of time on Yahoo Answers trolling the helpless and gullible masses that come to that site. But let me clear one thing up. I am not a mean troll. I am not one of those trolls you want to smash upside the head with a baseball bat [okay, maybe sometimes…]…I am just the kind of troll that tries my darndest to get people to laugh. I love making people laugh…and this is where my story begins..

I use to troll as the famous and nerdy Steven Q. Urkel. My domain? Polls and surveys with an occasional trip to Adolescent section and often times made a trip to Religion and Spirituality because for the life of me I just couldn’t find out why Cheese was so holy! But there’s more. The people. The people? That’s right, the people. Some of them loved me, and some of them couldn’t stand me. I made quite a few friends, as well as enemies during my reign over the sheep of yahoo answers. Now why do I call them sheep? Surely this doesn’t apply to everyone on that site…there are some smart people there that I have become friends with [Hi Kris!] that are amazing people…but the majority of the people on there are either mean spirited aholes or people that never made it past 5th grade. 

Let me tell you a bit about my enemies. You ever seen a rock that looked just so intelligent you couldn’t help staring at it? Yeah, me neither….until I met some of the people I’m about to describe to you…

Firstly, I had the emo kids. They had something against Christmas I noticed…as I once invaded an emo chat room to spread some Christmas cheer, and was so very kindly told to go kill myself with a cat. Seriously? A cat? A 4 legged flea bag that likes to play with yarn? Sorry kid, try again. 

So I pondered this question…why on earth was that particular group of emo kids so against Christmas? Then it hit me. The Christmas tree! The Christmas tree always occupies their emo corner on Christmas…causing a deep and bitter hatred towards that holiday! I can’t believe it didn’t hit me before! Have I been that stupid? I believe so. 

But not all of them were mean and nasty…some were just plain stupid and actually believed I was really Steve Urkel. Those people I will not spend too much time describing because all the words in the world will just not be able to describe that kind of stupid. I’m done talking about these people….I’m starting to get a head ache..

And yet there were some people that loved me and often asked questions about me. “Where is Steve Urkel?” was a popular one when I was offline. I guess I spent so much time on Yahoo Answers that I became quite well known there. Damn I must of had no life. And truth is I probably didn’t. 

Some people were very fun though and often made Laura Winslow and other Family Matters accounts to play along with me on Yahoo Answers. There was a Carl Winslow, a Laura Winslow, a Myra, and a Waldo. Sometimes they would ask questions aimed to get a response out of me. It was really fun. I loved roleplaying with them.

But my time trolling yahoo answers was not all fun and games. I been told, among other things, to go drown myself in a pot of boiling water by some guy who had gotten his knickers in a knot over the fact that…well…I really don’t know why he did it. I just blame it on an impacted bowel movement…yeah…that must of been it. That can make the nicest person turn into an all out bitch. He got mad when I told him that too. I told him to his face [well, as much as I can over a computer] that he was just upset because he suffered from an impacted bowel movement and that I understood and was sympathetic towards his plight. For some reason that made him hate me even more.. 

I also suffered my share of being banned. The moderators must of hated me to because I got my account suspended at least 10 times. I actually lost count…but I consider that a mark of a true troll. I wear it proudly like a badge of honor. 

But anyways, why am I sitting up late in my PJ’s telling you about this? I’m passing the time before I go out with this beautiful girl I met last night ? I wish. I’m just bored as hell. So I will go back to bed now…

Goodnight!

Well I will be turning 20 on the 24th of March. I am excited. I plan on getting my eyebrow pierced to go along with my snake bites. I also plan on going to Hershey Park with a friend sometime in April as a late birthday present. It has been a long time since I’ve been there. The last time I was there I was with a friend and it was far from what I expected. We ended up having to go home early because of a tornado that decided to interrupt our day. This is what happened…

I had invited a friend I hadn’t seen in years to go with me to Hershey Park. What was planned to be a sunny, nice trip turned out to be anything but. About a couple hours at Hershey Park I noticed the sky starting to get dark but I thought nothing of it. Well, little did I know what we were about to get hit with. It was like the heavens opened up and let out a waterfall. It poured down rain so heavy I thought people would start bringing out their boats any minute. Oh…and the wind. It was so windy I thought I was going to blow away. The only good part about all the wind was the fact that there were girls there in skirts…..but I won’t get into that ;D. 

Anywho, my friend and I ran into the closest gift shop. Boy did we pick a good one. It had no freaking doors on the place. The wind entered the store and blew things off the shelves and the rain poured in and got us wet. The thunder was so loud it shook the ground. My friend started to panic. She called up her boyfriend on her cell phone and was saying things to him like “please don’t hang up there’s a tornado!”. For some reason I wasn’t scared though. I actually thought it was pretty cool. I am the kind of person that loves excitement and I don’t get scared too easily. So there we were…in the store…my friend freaking out and me laughing my ass off [yeah I know I’m a douche]. 

Now I’d love to be able to end this story with something like…”And Alex put his cape on and saved the day!” or “Alex fought the tornado head on and brought it to it’s knees!”…but you’d all know I’d be lying. So I will just say that we all got out alive [obviously] and that my friend hasn’t talked to me since lol.

Anyways, why am I telling you this? I really do not know. I guess I got nothing better to do then to sit here and write about completely pointless and boring stories. Oh, but did I tell you about the time I rode a roller coaster in the rain? Let me advise you never to do that. Riding on a roller coaster at high speed can turn the tiniest drizzle into an all out cannon fire. My face will never forget it. 

I will save my other just as equally boring stories for later blogs. I have to go to bed now. In fact, I been trying to go to bed for the last hour and a half but for some reason I can’t pry myself away from my computer. It’s not like I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I am very tired. But I was just in the mood to type I guess. 

Anyways, I will end it here. 

Bye for now!

I can very much relate to this video. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I loved her, and she replaced me. I gave everything to her, and she ditched me.

Well life is never easy…and unfortunately I’ve had my heart broken recently by a girl I really cared about. Her and I met a long time ago…about 2 and a half years ago on a website called Yahoo Answers. I was trolling [silly me] as the ultra nerd character Steve Urkel and she quickly became a fan. 

I emailed her and invited her to come and chat with me in a chatroom I had created. From then on we became super close and we were always together, always talking day in and day out 24/7. We had a very close bond. For 2 and a half years we were like this…everything seemed so perfect. But that’s when it all ended…I will get to that in a minute.

Now I know that some people say you can’t really “love” someone you just know online. I beg to differ. I have experienced it myself and I can talk from experience. Even though it is just online, you can still build a bond with someone. A very strong bond and I’d even venture as far as to say yes- you CAN fall in love online. How do I know? It happened to me.

She was everything I ever hoped for. She was simply amazing. We talked on the phone for hours a day and often times she would tell me “please don’t ever replace me”. And I’d assure her I would never do that to her. Often times I would say the same thing to her “please don’t replace me either”. And she’d also reassure me. We were two peas in a pod….until she met someone else.

Now leading up to this I had noticed some changes in the way she behaved towards me. For one, she stopped laughing at my jokes, she became distant and cold towards me, and she stopped acting loving towards me. Okay I thought, this is odd. But I dismissed it. 

She had become friends with this bisexual girl a little bit before that but at first I thought nothing of it. I then noticed that the way Tanya [the girl I had a strong bond with] talked about this girl was kinda alarming…like she had a crush on this girl. Again, I dismissed it and went into denial. She still cares about me I thought. I’m just being paranoid.

Still my “paranoia” led to arguments. I would accuse her of liking this girl and she would deny it and say “no! I only like her as a friend!”. Still, something deep inside me told me there was more too it…and I couldn’t let it go. So I’d bring it up again later in an attempt to get the truth out of her. Again, she would deny she had feelings for this girl. At ONE point I DID get her to admit she had a “small crush” on this girl. But she later backtracked and denied it all.

I kept on asking her until she would get mad at me and continue to deny it. She said I “accused” her and that I was starting arguments. And I don’t know, maybe I was, but something inside my gut was telling me something fishy was going on and I just couldn’t let it go.

During this time she started getting distant with me as she talked to this girl more and more. Then one day, I logged onto Second Life [a virtual reality game] and I found them both talking. Now, Tanya and I had owned a skybox [kinda like a house in the sky….yeah I know…only in Second Life!] and when I logged on I was kicked off the property. I thought to myself “what the hell?!? Why am I being kicked off when this other girl is there?” So I messaged Tanya and asked her what was up. That is the moment everything changed.

After countless attempts to get her to talk to me, she eventually said “hold on I’m gonna talk to you in a minute”. I waited. She then said to me “are you ready to hate me?” I said “tell me” and she said “I have strong feelings for Jeni” [Jeni is the bisexual girl she had begun talking to].

My heart sunk to my stomach, my body turned numb, time seemed to stop as I reread those words over and over again. Tanya has strong feelings for Jeni? How could this be? I asked myself that question over and over again as I was fighting back tears. She told me she didn’t love me anymore and that it was too late. She then unadded me from her friends list and deleted me off her facebook and stopped coming on Yahoo Messenger where we would talk all the time.

It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and thrown on the floor and then stomped on until it was a bloody pile of broken pieces that could never be put together again. I broke down, signed offline, and grabbed a pill bottle [I know, I was crazy, but I had just been given bad news and I snapped]. I swallowed about 20 advil pills and was rushed to the hospital by the ambulence when my dad found out. Thankfully the advil was not enough to harm me [besides nausea and lots of gas!]. 

I spent the next 4 days in the loony bin under suicide watch where I met some awesome people. [they put me in the sane group, the group that still has a head on their shoulder] and I met several other people there that were there for a suicide attempt as well. In group therapy I told them my story, what had happened, and they were all sympathetic. One guy reached out to me and told me his girlfriend had left him for his neighbor and he had been single for 5 years since. Others also shared with me their stories and encouraged me. One even going as far as saying to me in a joking way “kick this girls butt for me will ya, and if ya don’t give me a call and I will”. I laughed and he playfully smiled at me. 

The first few days on the “unit” were hard because I had my phone, ipad, and pretty much everything taken away from me. I stayed in my room and tried to sleep the time away. When I wasn’t sleeping I would lay in my room [which was nothing more than bare walls, a bed, and a chair and a desk] and cry my eyes out thinking about Tanya and how she had ditched me for someone else. I was in tons of pain….it was emotional torture.

Within a day or so I started to venture out of my room and into the day room. I joined in on activities and craft projects and slowly but surely, they took my mind off of my problems. Though I was still heartbroken and sad, it was good to have projects to keep me busy. 

On the 4th day of being on the unit I was able to go home. I packed my things and left, glad to be out of there. When I got home I contacted Tanya just to see how things were, and she told me she was no longer single and was in a relationship with this girl. Ouch. Talk about pain. For the next few days it was really hard and I did have a hard time coping without her…but I kept myself busy and my mood slowly started to lift.

I now exercise daily, am joining clubs, talk to friends, and do whatever it takes to keep me busy as I slowly begin to heal from this traumatic heart break…and it is the best thing I can do. And while it still hurts, I am no longer overwhelmed by the grief and am starting to see that the future is bright for me and that there ARE …as cliche is it is ..”other fish in the sea” [or if I wanted to be original, other shrimp in the ocean!]. 

Things are looking up for me. I can honestly now say that NO human being on this earth has the power over me to destroy my life or completely ruin me. I am a strong person. And if people don’t want to be around me, then the hell with them. There are plenty of people in this world who would love to be my friend…and one special person out there who will love me one day…just as I am.] I am special. No human being on the earth controls my worth. 

I have learned a lot from this experience. One major lesson in all of this is that I CANNOT tie my self esteem to one person. People change and relationships change…people come and go. But I am a unique, kind, loving person…and when someone leaves me it does not change that. There is only one person who is faithful and that Is Jesus. I have since reclaimed my faith and that has also been a huge comfort for me. 

Hard times come in this life, but what matters most is how we deal with them. We do not have to be defeated. We do not have to let them overcome us. I made plenty of mistakes during this time but it was all a learning experience. 

I can honestly say, that right now, this very day, I am thankful for what happened. Why? Because it made me that much more of a stronger person. If it wasn’t for all the hardships I’ve gone through…..I wouldn’t be the man I am today.